Guild MARINES

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Start by closing your eyes and visualizing the worst scenario you saw the parents in. Make it small and in a black-and-white movie. Run the movie from just before the event happened through to the other side where the event has ended. Do this very quickly. In 5-10 seconds. Stop the movie at this point; put it on a 20-foot-tall movie screen, in full color and start running it backward. Put a clown’s nose on each of the people in the movie; add clown shoes, and circus music. Now, make the people say what they said at the time, but backwards…and in Daffy Duck’s or Donald Duck’s voice! Then, stop the movie once you’re back at the point just before the bad scenario started. Do this 3-5 times over. On the last time, instead of ending the full-color picture at the beginning of the terrible event,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], let it fade off into black-and-white,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and then into white nothingness with no more sound.
How many 18 and 16-year-olds are going to say that they can control their passion? So, we got married. Because we were so young, neither of us really knew what a marriage should be like,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], other than the models our parents had shown us. Her mother had been divorced at least once, maybe twice, and had 6 children. I lived in a home where both parents lived out the insecurities they still had since childhood. Add to that, the home was religiously divided,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and that made for a model not good for following into my own marriage. Thankfully, we had no children. That marriage lasted about 18 months and she ended up cheating on me with a co-worker of hers. Both of us being young and angry, it was a messy breakup, to say the least.
Years ago,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there was an anachronism coined,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], DINKS. It stood for married couples that had Duel Income, No Kids. As the result of my search on the Internet came up with little related to the term, other than finance-related websites, I assume the term has gone mostly out of style. Much of the reason may be because many couples in the US are opting to remain unmarried and so their incomes aren’t considered to be combined. Regardless, there are some couples where both work and have no children,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whether that’s for the long-term, or for a (usually) preplanned length of time. This way they get to do things that they may want to do before having the added responsibilities and expenses of children.
By Dr,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Edward Lewellen - Transformative Thinking
See all Articles by Edward LewellenSee Edward Lewellen's Expert PageGet Updates on FamilyGet Updates on Edward Lewellen Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
I’ve been married three times. The first time was when I had just turned 18 and my wife had just turned 16. Yes. WOW! I can hardly believe it myself as I write this. You’re probably asking, “Why so young?!!” The answer lies in the way we were both brought up. She and I were both raised in strongly religious households where you were only permitted to date when you were ready for marriage. Now, people that young don’t even know the questions of life to ask, let alone know the answers. But, because of the religious beliefs and the Bible’s counsel at 1 Corinthians 7:9, which says “But, if they cannot have self-control, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (King James Version)
From a relationship standpoint, I encourage couples to preplan time together before having children. The reason that I encourage this is that I have seen couples that have children immediately following marriage struggle much more. Let me share my own story and perspective.
With 20/20 hindsight,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it could have worked out. “How?” You might ask. Had we fully realized that we needed to be a Transitional Generation, we could have used the following exercise to free ourselves from the models that our parents gave us and created a new and better model by observing more stable families and following their models. Here’s the exercise to free oneself, or a couple, that have discovered that a relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], especially marriage, can be better than what they grew up with. Obviously, if one set of parents has set a great model, then it doesn’t need to have the exercise applied to them:
When you’ve done this,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you’ll discover that your feelings about the event and the people have changed. Where you may have carried along in your mind and emotions the affects the event and the people before, you’ll now realize that those thoughts and feeling have come up for the last time as they fade away forever. You are now free to create the marriage relationship according to the model of YOUR choosing, rather than what had been passed on to you. This exercise can be applied to more than just the one scenario, so feel free to use it wherever you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as a person or couple, need to start with a clean slate.
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"45 group" earlier published in the months before the "A45" published the party publicity photos. In Hongkong on 2 March,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and positive group Party of Hongkong political "forty-five group",[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], initially the party name as "party", the party constitution and party generally ready this month to complete the company registration procedures, can be announced formally established.
forty-five focus groups reported in the latest issue of the publication by the group "A45" report, group members of the party emphasizes, "civic" is not too high to be reached "rich" after the founding of the party,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], welcome to join. However,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], do not accept dual membership,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but not to the democracy "headhunt".
group member Wu Aiyi reportedly said,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "the name",[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is to build a harmonious and stable environment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], enhance the consciousness of citizenship.
the report points out,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the new party was founded will actively participate in the election, but whether the other democratic cooperation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], jointly elected chief executive candidate, still need to be discussed.
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Standard schools have already been increasing his or her standard college diplomas, for the on the net planet and also making conventional on the web degree applications easy to access pertaining to those that cannot go to a conventional college. With regard to those who possess a function living and therefore are not able to,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], finish their schooling inside the traditional method, will probably be able to get more versatility with this particular set up since they're able to do it in the benefits with their very own property. This way permits these extra flexibility in order to go to work, and attempt performing their day for you to morning activities inside a more freeing method,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], compared to they would when they were required to visit any standard college.
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Hongkong on 24 November, and Hongkong a man because of dissatisfaction with the company did not pay on
, issue 1000000 e-mail "bombing" company, was arrested by the police. The judge said today,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], must punish criminals.
radio reports in Hongkong,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the 32 year old man working in a logistics company, as a computer technician, because of dissatisfaction with the company does not pay for 5 months,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the colleague's laptop computer issued 1000000 junk e-mails to the company. The junk e-mail to lead the company's server shutdown,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], loss of HK $2000000.
police according to IP address tracing to the defendant's house,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], arrested him. The suspect admitted in court that afternoon for dishonestly using computer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the judge announced the next month. The magistrate said at the same time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the use of professional knowledge of crime, double-edged sword,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in recent years,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], network crime,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], need to severely punish criminals.
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Ta Kung Pao editorial: "five words&quot,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; deceive oneself and others waste of public money
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social commentary in the Hongkong in November 23 / Xinhua Hongkong "Ta Kung Pao" today published an article entitled "'five words deceive oneself and others' waste of public money" editorial, the consultation document the SAR Government on two, one or two, amend the two methods have been published,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in consultation with a period of three months, the community and the general public should seize the opportunity,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], were widely discussed, efforts to push forward the development of the system of government.
editorial pointed out, but in the course of the discussion, practical is a very important premise, not pragmatic without it, it is impossible to achieve any useful, constructive achievements. Because the HKSAR development is not a powerful and unconstrained style, but must be built on the constitutional and legal basis for the rigorous, to ensure that the constitutional development in line with the common interests of the overwhelming majority of the people and the society constitution.
editorial said, at present, the development of HKSAR can have a very good and positive beginning: firstly, the basic law for "the overall goal by universal suffrage" in seven years, the NPC Standing Committee of the "decision" is a two, one seven, two, two general election of the chief executive in the general election of the Legislative Council to "schedule"; at present, the SAR government has just two, the one two two methods proposed several suggestions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], including expanding the seats in the Legislative Council and the Chief Executive Election Committee places,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], paving the way for the HKSAR further democratization and ultimately towards universal suffrage.
so, the Hong Kong Society discussing the constitutional development, should be based on consultation document proposal to carry out, it is the pragmatic and constructive approach; otherwise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the big debate still be remote from the subject, even the NPC Standing Committee has announced two, one or two not universal suffrage was still there shouting "two,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], one or two double universal suffrage", it can achieve what effect and have what meaning? The constitutional development is not a political talk, not who want how how; more importantly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the constitutional development must ultimately achieve favorable prosperity and stability and promoting social development objective, is an ideal and feasible system. The constitutional development just as a human right, and this "universal suffrage is supreme", "universal suffrage is universal," reverse the primary and secondary, ignore the reality,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also deceive oneself and others.
editorial that, happily, eyes, the people of Hong Kong Society on political reform,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], universal suffrage attitude is the most rational and pragmatic; people want democracy, but not aggressive, rapidly and significantly changed the social situation of democracy; the public voted for the general election, but rather to follow the prescribed order, steer and don't jump "attain the highest level in one step". Cherish the social stability and economic prosperity, not the universal suffrage rights and act in accordance with the law in opposition, is the embodiment of social civilization, the people of Hong Kong law quality, the public is recognized, ready, have bear.
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Hongkong "business daily" today published an editorial that attract sb.'s attention, "snake cake" landscape, is to remind the relevant aspects should pay attention to the order control, also reflects some of our society and culture, is indeed worthy of reflection.

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Hu Jintao to meet the national moral models and delivered an important speech
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: General Secretary of the CPC Central Committee,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], President,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], chairman of the Central Military Commission,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Hu Jintao 18 days afternoon at the Great Hall of the people met the national moral models and delivered an important speech. Li Changchun CPC Central Committee Political Bureau Standing Committee attended the meeting.
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reports, this is the Japanese government in August of this year officially granted the Japanese Imperial oil test drilling oil and natural gas rights in the East China Sea, the East China Sea energy development again published remarks.

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US senators and congressmen called a press conference Thursday,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], calling Beijing to stop suppressing and returning North Korean defectors to North Korea,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], urging the US to accept them, and the establishment of a refugee camp in the border area between China and North Korea.
At the Dirksen Senate Office Building in the Capitol Hill,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Republican Senator Sam Brownback, and US representatives Ed Royce and Mark Kirk announced that following the House's decision,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they would strive to promote a North Korean defector protection resolution, laying it before the Senate, to be passed as soon as possible.
Eight senators,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], including Brownback and Democrat Edward Kennedy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], proposed the resolution on May 20,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], urging Beijing to ban the forced repatriation of North Korean defectors and to allow United Nations High Commission for Refugees to inspect the country. Senator Brownback and Congressman Kirk said they would consult with the Bush Administration to accept North Korean asylum seekers to the US if they wished to go there.
"A Korean American pastor; a US citizen; is still in detention simply because he was trying to help 14 North Korean orphans. I also understand that Pastor Joseph Choi is not the only one,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and that media reports estimate that 100 South Korean ministers are also being detained for their religious beliefs," said Brownback,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], adding that "if we don't take steps to do something and put pressure on the Chinese government,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], people will continue to suffer."
Congressman Royce noted that "China is cooperating with the North Korean authorities as they hunt down these refugees and subject them to the most brutal treatment imaginable" urging China to stop forced repatriation of North Korean refugees,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
(From Washington DC, Ju Yong-jung,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], [link widoczny dla zalogowanych])
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The Financial Supervisory Service (FSS) announced Sunday that the banks selected the firms on their own criteria for credit risk evaluation, and that they will launch an evaluation of the firms by Jan.

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Remember you can't take your wealth with you when you die. Wealth doesn't bring over night respect - but how you obtain it and what you do with it does. Self value and consideration for others is the basis of being content and satisfied, and is going to play an important and crucial part in your overall progress and self- development in life. On your way up the material ladder it's important to remember - 'treat those as you would like to be treated yourself!'
For instance if producing a vast amount of money and living in a large mansion,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and owning a Porsche is your long-term goal, well there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. Money can do great things. Remember Money is not evil it's how it's put to use and how you obtain it. There is a social and individual responsibility that comes with having great wealth.
Like if in the course of making money you don't care how you get it, or who you trample on to obtain it, you can't be expected to be treated favourably by others on their way up the prosperity ladder. As you know, its best to be polite and respectful to those we meet on the way up - just in case we meet them on the way down!
Hence, if you perceive your future, and your goals of what you want to attain, you have to look at not only the importance of those goals and their effects on others, but you also need to think about others in your personal development course.
By Dion Daly
See all Articles by Dion DalyGet Updates on Attitude and PerspectiveGet Updates on Dion Daly Average: 2,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].666665 Your rating: None Average: 2.7 (3 votes) Tweet
What is magnificent these days is that most people are encouraged to do their utmost for self- development, not just money-wise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but academically, emotionally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and spiritually. We have obligations to ourselves to endeavour to be successful and contented. This obligation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I think, is to make sure that we strive to make the most of the opportunities and situations that we come across; that we can give back to those near to us,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], those who have helped us and also to our communities. The development of self is part of the self-development of our surroundings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], our way of life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and our offsprings' futures.
In this fast-moving world,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you need to consider not only yourself, but others as well. What you do does have an influence on other people, just as other people's negative or positive attitude affects the environment around them.
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The thing is what it all comes down to is that money is not the be and end all. If striving to get enormous wealth is the most significant thing, it can seem at times to be more imperative than our families,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], our friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], our colleagues and our neighbours.
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People show confusion over how many candidates for multiple regional posts they have to vote for,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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I decided to change and I am now on the road. Completely changing to perfection is a bit difficult, but we can make improvement little by little everyday. Through practice, I find it is a good tip to write down to come to a better decision.
1. What are good questions?
Sometimes, we are angry with someone who has a close relationship with us, so it is foolish to destroy this valuable relationship. The best decision is a win-win decision. In my opinion, I suggest a series of questions may be as follows:
What is the excellent example for me to learn from to deal with such kind of anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Everything, whatever good or bad, is a best arrangement for you.
Perhaps many friends have experienced a deep feeling of regret for making wrong decisions when in angry situation. we come to realize it is so different to make decisions in peaceful state and in argry state. A win-win decision is welcome and great if we can try to take actions or make decisions in a relative peaceful state. Writing is just such a method for you to come to a peaceful state so as to get a better decision.
In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, for the most good of all concerned, I am creating a wonderful and successful communication with him/her.
By Charlie xiao
See all Articles by charlie xiaoGet Updates on Anger ManagementGet Updates on charlie xiao Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
4.How can I share this decision with the other person?
To make a successful share, we can adjust our emotion first. An effective affirmation I suggest is:
The sentence above is really a best suggestion. In fact,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we are always taught to look at the good of one thing because everything has two sides, but it is easier said than done. Suppose that if we can always deal with things according to the sentence, then we can make better decisions, eventually we will live happier, show more love in our heart to lover with peaceful and fulfilling feelings full of our heart.
We have to admit that what we are writing are what we are thinking of. We will think again when we write our thoughts down. If we can ask ourselves some good questions, we will certainly get a good answer and come to a better decision.
Author's Bio:&nbsp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
In this way, I guide myself to think in a good way and get a constructive answer, and then I write it down at once. It may seem a bit ludicrous, but you will feel that peace are coming to you if you complete this two steps.
Extended reading:
how to Develop a Positive Attitude,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
How to conquer temper tantrum towards your lover - a practical way;
a good attitude towards bad temper control,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
child temper control
3,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].What decision shall I do to make a win-win decision?
Everything will be past no matter it is happiness or pain. To get a win-win decision, we have to admit our fault first and find answer standing in the view of the other person. Use T-F table to guide you finding the detail information for a sound decision.
The procedure of answering questions is the procedure to make a good decision, just enjoy it and practice more.
Leave a detail log on decision for improvement later
Guide us to a more serious and better decision easily
When examples chosen, we will ask such a question:
2. What decision will my examples make when they face such a situation?
Many times I have to admit that when I finish a decision, I begin to regret, especially in bad emotion state. The words and actions in actuation have put me into a great sense of regret and quilt. Sometimes we can make up for the bad results, while sometimes we can only take response for the eternal regret ourselves.
What you have written down on the paper can be kept as a valuable reference for later improvement. Many times when you look at this log again, you will find that it is really unnecessary to get into such a bad situation and there is always a better way out. At the same time, we can also become more confident on ourselves because we have changed ourselves to get a relative better decision and taken actions according to it.
The decision we made, are making and will make is a function of many elements, one of which is your state or emotion. In peaceful state,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we can make a more sound decision which will lead to a better result, while in angry state, we always change to a stranger even to ourselves and make a terrible decision. Sometimes the terrible decision will leave a great regret for your whole life. The situation will get worse for immature persons, they will lose control of themselves, let the bad words even bad actions burst out at ease. Eventually, a regretting result comes into being.
Tag: angry management, win-win decision,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make decision,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], peaceful state
Repeat this affirmation for about 10 times with gentle and slow tongue and you can take action. Of course, if you can write this affirmation slowly and beautifully for 10 times, you will get a better effect.
Actuation is monster,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
The first thing we can think of is to find some excellent examples so that we can imitate them to make decisions. I always choose President Lincoln and Franklin as my examples. President Lincoln is respected as the most respectful president in the American history and Franklin is also respected as a great person. They both have the valuable virtue of never criticizing others. I come to realize that this virtue is the most important principle I should know and apply from my experience.
How writing can help us to make a better decision?
Calm down to a good state
The speed of mind is far faster than that of writing. Mind is light-weight and can change from one point to another at once,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], while writing can’t. Without guideline, our mind will go anywhere, including some bad, worse, worst places. What you see,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hear and touch will immediately lead to the link between the “facts” you feel and the corresponding response in your mind. The whole procedure is a matter of instant. Avoiding making decisions and taking actions in bad state is a wise choice. Perhaps it is the best decision to leave for a period of peace. Writing can only be helpful when you can drag yourself out of the angry environment or before take actions in it. With writing as a guideline to mind and good questions as beacons of decisions, you can come to a better state little by little, which is a base for cleverer decision.
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However, it's critical that you get this part handled as it's the foundation of all your success with women and dating. And if all you did was get this part handled, your success with women will skyrocket. Evidence by the fact that women complain about it a lot.

yuvsgvoand

Samsung Electronics,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the largest business in the country,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], has realized more than W2 trillion in operational profits in the first quarter this year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], thanks to robust performances in its chip and cellular handset sector.
An executive of the firm said Sunday that the company's operating profit in the first quarter is expected to reach W2.1 trillion,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], up by more than 40 percent over the same quarter last year.
The executive noted,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in particular,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that the firm's before-tax profit will hit W2.3 trillion in the first quarter,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], accounting for an all-time high net profit of about W2 trillion. He said that the record profit is attributable,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in part,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], to substantial growth in the firm's profits from equity investments into sister firms of Samsung group,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], including Samsung Card,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Samsung Electro-Mechanics and Samsung Capital.
(Hwang Soon-hyun,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], [link widoczny dla zalogowanych])
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The Financial Supervisory Service (FSS) announced Sunday that the banks selected the firms on their own criteria for credit risk evaluation, and that they will launch an evaluation of the firms by Jan.

yuvsgvoand

International Atomic Energy head Mohamed El Bareidi told CNN,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Saturday,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that if North Korea removed surveillance cameras and seals at its nuclear facilities,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it would be a serious Non-proliferation Treaty (NPT) problem,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which he would raise at the United Nation's Security Council. El Bareidi said the situation was "tense,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," and he had requested the North to reconsider its position and was waiting for a response.
He noted that North Korea was the closest country to possessing nuclear weapons out of President Bush's "axis of evil" and had the technical know how to produce them from plutonium,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], adding Iran and Iraq were running a distant second and third.
At a news conference the previous day El Bareidi said if North Korea released details of its uranium enrichment program and halted it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], South Korea,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the United States and Japan were prepared to seek solutions through dialogue. He continued that Pyongyang had yet to demand the removal of IAEA monitoring teams,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and insisted they would stay there even if the North started up its nuclear program again.
(Rhee Yong-soon,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], [link widoczny dla zalogowanych])相关的主题文章：

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The Financial Supervisory Service (FSS) announced Sunday that the banks selected the firms on their own criteria for credit risk evaluation, and that they will launch an evaluation of the firms by Jan.

japisfvp

Author&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Bio:
That something can often be health issues,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; depression; anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; sadness and moodiness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; and a variety of other stuff,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
So here's the challenge: What's holding you back from making those important decisions for YOU; and then acting on them? Maybe it's time that you cut those strings that bind you to a job that you hate; a relationship that doesn't serve you; a health issue which has been left unattended,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; your financial situation; ,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].... Or whatever it is that's testing you right now.
Very important note: This doesn't mean that any of us should suddenly give up doing good things for others; quite the opposite actually,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]! It simply means to aim for a healthy balance in doing things for self AND others in a manner which still serves the inner-self and our own needs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; and not just the needs of others. (Free daily balance checklist at www,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].hopeserenity.ca).
We all need to be aware of the importance of looking after ourselves holistically: creating a healthy approach to our Mind/Body/Spirit balance and general well-being! All three aspects need to be in sync with who we are, and what we're doing, and where we're headed.
I am reminded by fellow coach Phil Evans of the following truth. The most common 'theme' that I introduce to new clients when working in the Life Coaching realm, is the critical importance of being true to oneself! It's just so darned easy to get into doing everything for everybody else, but sadly neglecting that important person in the mirror.
Yep,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], too darned easy to put everybody else first; and eventually something will kick our butts as it tries to alert us of the need to look after that person also known as ME!
C'mon ,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].... you can do it!
Yell out if you need some help! (I'll see you ... or hear you!)
By Keith Bray BA CALC
See all Articles by Keith BraySee Keith Bray's Expert PageGet Updates on Addiction and RecoveryGet Updates on Keith Bray Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
相关的主题文章:

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However, it's critical that you get this part handled as it's the foundation of all your success with women and dating. And if all you did was get this part handled, your success with women will skyrocket. Evidence by the fact that women complain about it a lot.

japisfvp

As I have worked through my recovery with therapists and 12 step groups, I have come to realize that memories of the trauma I experienced growing up were triggering my anxiety. I have forgiven my parents for those things that happened. But I still have memories of things that injured me. Those memories are triggered by “revisiting the scene of the crime” so to speak.
Many things can trigger memories. Certain words,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], smells,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], locations (as in my case), people,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], etc. can all trigger both good and bad memories. It is important to work through the traumatic events in such a way that these triggers do not paralyze you or cause harm to you in any way (that is where a trained therapist or a recovery program can help). I firmly believe God has designed us this way for some important reasons. One is that we can learn to establish boundaries in our lives. If you have ever put your hand on burning stove top you are less likely to ever do it again. Why? Because it hurt last time – remember? If you were in a dysfunctional relationship with someone in your past, you will have to forgive that person for their part, but the memories of the abuse or other negative issues you experienced can help you to make better choices about your next relationship.
Another reason I believe God allows us to remember our wounds is to teach us empathy. If we do not remember how it felt to be wronged or sinned against by someone else, how can we relate to how others feel when they are treated the same way? Some of the most powerful interactions and relationships I have developed with others in recovery are those in which the story they were sharing about their life and experiences was very similar to my own journey. This happens to me often. I hear something shared and I think to myself – wow that must have really been hard to deal with because I remember how it felt when…
I am reminded by my sweetie Dianne,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who has recovered from years of abuse in her previous marriage and family of origin,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that there is another important issue that needs to be considered in the relationship that is damaged by sin or being wronged. There is a difference between reconciliation and restoration. Forgiving enables reconciliation. Your relationship can be resumed in some form or fashion now that forgiveness is present. Restoration is something completely different. Restoring implies that the relationship is back to a state that is as healthy as it were before the incident. Restoration typically does not happen due to the consequences of the action(s).
Forgiveness is necessary but there can be value in not forgetting.
The phrase “Forgive and Forget” is a nice thought but one of those things that is hard to do in practice. My question is why do we link the two in the first place? I have heard some people say that once you forgive somebody for what they have done to you, you should then just move on and continue that relationship like it never happened.
Author's Bio:
Like many of you, a lot of dysfunction and trauma happened in the house I grew up in. I won’t go into great detail at this time but I will say, that I witnessed many things that children were not designed to experience. Of course at the time, it was the only “normal” that I knew, in fact I believed all families were like that (I may have been right..). My parents lived in that same house for almost 40 years. This meant I had the opportunity many times in my adult life to go back and visit the same house. For years I can remember taking my family to visit my parents. Each time I went back to the house, after a few hours there, I became very anxious about being there. I started to make plans to leave and do something with other friends or just go and drive around the old neighborhood or some of my old haunts. It was as if something came over me that said – “you have to get out of here”. I had made plans to see my parents,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I wanted them to see their grandchildren and vice a versa. But once I got there I was looking for a way out quickly.
By Adrian Caminos
See all Articles by Adrian CaminosGet Updates on Abuse and RecoveryGet Updates on Adrian Caminos Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (2 votes) Tweet
God commands that I forgive them. That I not harbor animosity or ill will towards them for their actions. That is what I must do in order to obey God in these matters. Now it would be nice to forget those things ever happened after I chose to forgive,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but in my experience that has proven to be something I am not necessarily in control of. Some people do repress memories,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or just deny them altogether. But the interesting thing to me is that God designed our mind to be able to recall events. Not only that, our minds can recall events without us even trying to do so.
In recovery programs looking backwards at your life can be very painful. In Step 4 you not only look at what you have done to others but also,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], what others have done to you. Those are the deep wounds. It is both shocking and sad to hear how some of the men in my step study have been treated in their life.
It is hard for me to look back at how my self-esteem,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], self-worth, view of the world, and view of God have been negatively affected by the actions of family members,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ministers,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and close friends. What they did hurt me and/or stunted my growth emotionally or spiritually.
In the last year two very important men in my life have broken a trust in the relationship I had with them. It was painful for me to hear the things said to and about me by these people. First off, because of how important these people were to me. Second because of the length of time I have known them. I do forgive them. I love them and want the best for their lives but the nature of our relationship has changed dramatically due to this. I do not have the right to be bitter or resentful due to these situations. But I must make decisions about the depth and expectations of these relationships going forward.
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Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. This is the beauty you present to the world. Leave all your negative thoughts behind at home.